(Note: this blog post is meant to be a joke. Don't take it seriously by any means.) (Also I had no people in particular (except myself in no.2) in mind while writing this. Just don't get offended by anything here, okay, it's all meant to be funny. It might not be funny, but it's meant to be. Ha.)
1. Blogger-Person Starts Blog
First there's an ugly header, a layout which wobbles and needs tweaking. But Blogger-Person is proud of her (let's make Blogger-Person a girl, even though I know there are guy-bloggers) blog and she spends sweat, blood and tears trying to make it as nice as *insert her favourite blog* which, after some time, she realises will never happen. The first post is written in a flurry of excitement and oh, gleeful is the day when the follower-box has more than one for company. The first follower, after all, was Blogger-Person herself, because it's so much fun to see your own posts coming up in your own dashboard, ammirite?
2. Blogger-Person posts. A lot.
The first year of blogging often occurs in the years of little schoolwork and responsibilities. Happy were the days when Blogger-Person posted every day, sometimes twice a day, sometimes thrice. Inspiration was never low and inwardly she scorned those other blogger-peoples who said that they 'didn't know what to write about.' Why! The notion to her was impossible. Not know what to post about? The idea. The blogging world was an adventure and a thrill... she had 30 followers and finally had a celebrity status. And she really has the hang of it now. Like, she's giving all the New-Blogger-People advice.
3. Blogger-Person makes friends with other Blogger-People
This is an important stage in Blogger-Person's life and wins many new followers for her gain. If she's lucky some of her own favourite Blogger-People start interacting with her obviously it's time it make all the followers jealous by writing loads and loads of posts on how much fun they're having on their epic meet-up and by making sure to mention tons of inside jokes in the comments. Because it's so fun to tease readers and to brag about how intimate blogger friendships are.
4. Blogger-Person moves blog & gets a fancy layout
The old blog posts are just far to embarrassing. Blogger-Person has changed and grown so much since she started this blog. Really, it is time for a new chapter in her life. She will continue blogging but it is time to venture in a new Blog. This time it is modern, SO LEGIT and fancy-schmancy. The title is the name of Blogger-Person and the sidebar has a cool gadget to show off the Instagram pictures. The blog posts only have pics made by Blogger-Person, and gifs of famous people, because Blogger-Person is no longer interested in what she was very interested in when she started blogging. She has grown; changed; and she is so so thankful for her darling followers for sticking around on her journey. *
5. Blogger-Person disappears forever
...but she has an Instagram account which is 100% active, so it's not like she's dead.
The disappearance of Blogger-Person is always mysterious, sometimes just offensive because we can SEE that she has a LOT OF TIME on her hands just looking at the Insta Gram. Blogger-Person gets married, Blogger-Person disappears. That's how things work. Or Blogger-Person get's too high-and-mighty for her lil' blog, she now finally has real life friends. Or Blogger-Person simply is too busy, she will say. Sometimes, after two years or something, A-now-Older-Blogger-Person returns (waaaaaaaat *comment section turns ecstatic*) with the promise that she will post more often. But that post with that promise really was the very last blog post.
(*EMMA I PROMISE I DID NOT WRITE THIS WITH YOU IN MIND.)